This blog was named after a long lost blogger pal of mine. It was created so my other blogger pals and I from the Awful Truth can avoid the twitards and have meaningful and intelligent conversations.
WARNING: This is a Twilight, Paris Hilton, Lilo & Kardouchian free no zone. Any posts regarding the aforementioned will be promptly deleted and the poster will be blocked from making any further comments. Thank you for your cooperation.
This is not even under dispute. Whenever something salacious or fycked up happens in the celebrity world, I always see what Michael K has to say about it, and it's always worth the look.
Typical Michael K especially closing lines:vDon't you just hate it when you're slurping on a cup of yogurt and all you taste is cum? Or is it, don't you just hate it when you're slurping on a dick and all you taste is yogurt? I get the two confused a lot. Well, the former is what happened to a woman in Albuquerque and I guess she's the type who screams "dontcumdontcumdontcum" when she feels her man's dick twitch during oral, because she spit that mess out and called the 911.
The Smoking Gun reports that the 28-year-old New Mexico woman was shopping in the cereal aisle at the Sunflower Farmers Market with her daughter when a store employee named Anthony Garcia kept pushing a yogurt sample on her. The woman put it in her mouth and instantly knew something in the milk was JIZZ! The woman's statement to the police is priceless: “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset. (The manager Catherine Flores) told me it was a Greek yoghurt. People love it, it has lot of protein on it.” That's a really a good cum-on line.
Anthony Garcia denied that he squirted his own fermented ball leche into the woman's sample. But when police tested the sample, the results came (I need to stop already) back positive for cum. A judge issued a warrant for DNA and blood samples from the perverted Dannon cum dumper to see if he has any diseases the woman should be worried about.
It's a good thing the woman knows her shit, I mean semen, because most people would've figured it was just goat milk yogurt and kept eating it. If Top Chef ever does a semen-based recipe challenge, they know who to get as their main judge.
This woman is my hero of the day, because she proves to all of us that we need to study cum closely. You never know when someone's going to cum in a cup and call it yogurt.
In other news, the police escorted both Paris Hilton and John Travolta out of Sunflower Farmers Market in Albuquerque after they refused to stop trolling around the cereal section.
I'm a bit bummed myself. We had to take our 17-year-old kitty to be put to sleep during the furious blizzard which was here first before moving on to the Windy City. A little kitty stroke.
Are we all just living what most people refer to as "life"?
Soooo sorry about your kitty. They are such precious babies and so hard to let go, even if we know their time has come. I lost one of my kitty's years ago to a stroke.
Yes, this is the life. There's none other. That's why I cultivate a sense of humor. It's better to get the joke.
Oh LFJ, I am so sorry about your baby. Every time I look at Chloe I thank Christ she pulled through and is doing so well. I wish that had been the way your kitty story went. Spawn is doing ok, he has a nasty upper respiratory infection and his allergies are acting up really badly. I am sick of this snow and cold and have a double case of the depressies myself. I can't access the blog at work and then by the time I get home from work, I'm too exhausted to even touch the computer. Very sorry to be out of touch so much. This is the worst case of winter blues that I have encountere in almost everyone I have contact with. It will be over soon and we will all be outside in the warm sun........ Take care all, feel better on every level.
Oh please be better, dear hearts. May your weather and spirits improve.
I have the opposite of SAD. I become energized and brighten up during cloudy, rainy, snowy, cold weather. Nothing brings me down like a bright, sunny morning. (I also have a phobia about seeing the sun come up). Makes sense I suppose. If there's one possibility, then there's the other.
Gossip-oriented: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz divorcing. Like Michelle Williams when things were going badly with Heath Ledger, she chopped off her hair. Wonder what that symbolizes?
Every year as the winter approaches I say to myself, it won't be so bad, a couple of really bad months. November is usually OK, December is bearable, March is the last of it and April has the plants coming up. It's only January & February that are awful. But this year winter started in earnest in December and FEBRUARY, well February has been unBEARable. I do NOT like the winter. I am a gardener with a passion for gardening. Whenever I can't be gardening, I'm just waiting to be gardening.
Sorry about the weather, w4g, but we're supposed to get over freezing this weekend for the first time since the blizzard of 2011. (Watch your basement for flooding.)
God love Janey's Iphone (though I would NEVER pay the price for one!). Isn't it sad P, when you're actually looking forward to 14 degrees??. I think the building next door had a water pipe freeze last night-there is an ice rink in the back and yellow tape everywhere. Thank you Lord that wasn't us. I am soooooo sick of this cold and snow, have been perpetually crabby for days on end now. I too am looking forward to planting some tomatoes in my porch topsy turvy and getting my flower boxes full again. Poor BB, I understand you guys have no plows so I can imagine an inch or two of snow must just about cripple your neck of the woods. I bet nobody knows how to drive in it either. I hope it melts quickly for you. LFJ, LFJ-I think you are a vampire my sweet girl!! LOL, hope you are feeling better today. Roc has disappeared again! I wonder what trouble that boy has gotten himself into this time?
yea Judes, an inch or two of snow does tend to cripple this neck of the woods. but the weather forecasters were totally off the mark on this one - not one snow flurry! lil chilly out but the the sun is just a shinin'. lfj would hate it!!! hope spring comes early for u all up there - enuf is enuf! btw Judes, how's the lil spawn doing?
and my sweet princess, hope all is well with you. as for Roc, i think he may be busy helping to prepare a defense for Lilo...
Naw, Roc is even busier trying to write an insurance clause for the Lohan family. Pretty soon Lindsay is going to need beepers that sound whenever she comes within an arm's reach of merchandise and/or anyone else's closet.
I'm hanging in there. Had a fender bender in my Dad's car this morning. No one hurt but what a farce! I braked in the intersection because someone turned right directly in front of me. Before I could completely brake the light turned green for the oncoming traffic and a guy plowed into me. His story? "I had the green light." And the cop, who wasn't there when it happened, wrote me a ticket for being in the intersection on a red. But like I said, no one hurt.
It snowed in my husband's far-south, moderately sized but far from large hometown. Like enough to dust the streets. And there were 95 car accidents in 8 hours!
Glad you're okay, TT. Hope W4G has a plan for a scheme to plot how to avoid the ticket!
You two can see each other. Garsh, I wish I just could hear what everyone's voice sounds like. Judes & TT, do you have that fine Chicago accent? W4G, a southern boy?
Yeah, maybe a vamp(ire). Except instead of sucking the life out of living people, I try to suck the death out of dead people to make them alive to tell their stories.
Holy buckets! "Justified" started its new season last night. Break me off a bunch of pieces of Timothy Olyphant !
Oh baby baby, Timothy Olyphant is one fine boy!!! You and I have the same taste in men LFJ! Don't laugh at me, but I loved him in Hitman! He was even good in that terrible movie he did with beyotch Garner, Catch and Release I think it was called. And yes, I have the Midwestern nasal whine-hey dere, gimme a shot uv Yayger (LOL!) My Spawn went to his best friends house after school for cake and ice cream, a short Bday celly. He promptly threw up when he got home. Short words, he's still sick. Maybe when the great thaw starts tomorrow, he will feel a little better as the air warms. Betcha Roc has LiLo up on his handlebars with her coochi in his face! I love ya Roc, JUST KIDDING!!!!!!
Everyone has always told me that I sound like I'm from the East Coast. Don't know why, I've lived on the south side of Chicago almost my entire life. w4g has just a hint of a drawl, but he says he is NOT a Southerner. Strangely enough I've never spoken to Judes. Judes, we must do something about that.
longingforjake remains a mystery woman, like a shadow that passes secretly by. Not that we don't welcome whenever we witness her solid presence.
I think I know where LFJ is, I saw a massive pile up of cars on an icy highway video shot in Arkansas. The reporter said there were 92 cars involved in her last count. My guess for LFJ's whereabouts is Arkansas. Everybody have a good day!!
Oh gawd no! Hey, I got nothing against Arkansas because it always manages to have a surprising liberal streak despite the Bible thumping.
But, let's just say he wore shoes and and could read and write, although the strain of southern gothic running through the family would make Flannery O'Connor proud (his mother is also his 14th cousin removed and his father's nephew was actually his father's brother who was the child of his father's sister).
Anyway, it's all miles and states and eons away.
Haven't seen "Winter's Bone" yet but want to (I enjoyed the 7th grade humor of SNL's "Wayne's World" last Saturday, however!).
So, Judes. We gotta figure this out. What is it in our mutual men?
TT, did you and W4G work out a plan for the accident?
Okay, back to my case of the victim who had claustrophilia.
W4G had a date last night so we didn't speak, but he sent me an urgent message to never talk to the other guy's insurance company. I haven't. But I got the call today that my dad's insurance is covering the other guy's damages. C'est la vie.
This is not even under dispute. Whenever something salacious or fycked up happens in the celebrity world, I always see what Michael K has to say about it, and it's always worth the look.
ReplyDeleteTypical Michael K especially closing lines:vDon't you just hate it when you're slurping on a cup of yogurt and all you taste is cum? Or is it, don't you just hate it when you're slurping on a dick and all you taste is yogurt? I get the two confused a lot. Well, the former is what happened to a woman in Albuquerque and I guess she's the type who screams "dontcumdontcumdontcum" when she feels her man's dick twitch during oral, because she spit that mess out and called the 911.
ReplyDeleteThe Smoking Gun reports that the 28-year-old New Mexico woman was shopping in the cereal aisle at the Sunflower Farmers Market with her daughter when a store employee named Anthony Garcia kept pushing a yogurt sample on her. The woman put it in her mouth and instantly knew something in the milk was JIZZ! The woman's statement to the police is priceless: “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset. (The manager Catherine Flores) told me it was a Greek yoghurt. People love it, it has lot of protein on it.” That's a really a good cum-on line.
Anthony Garcia denied that he squirted his own fermented ball leche into the woman's sample. But when police tested the sample, the results came (I need to stop already) back positive for cum. A judge issued a warrant for DNA and blood samples from the perverted Dannon cum dumper to see if he has any diseases the woman should be worried about.
It's a good thing the woman knows her shit, I mean semen, because most people would've figured it was just goat milk yogurt and kept eating it. If Top Chef ever does a semen-based recipe challenge, they know who to get as their main judge.
This woman is my hero of the day, because she proves to all of us that we need to study cum closely. You never know when someone's going to cum in a cup and call it yogurt.
In other news, the police escorted both Paris Hilton and John Travolta out of Sunflower Farmers Market in Albuquerque after they refused to stop trolling around the cereal section.
cum on Tisha, u kidding me....right?
ReplyDeleteWhat that I read Michael K every day? Nope not kidding. He is refreshingly frank and funny.
ReplyDeleteBut I must say if this is the kind of posting that gets w4g out of his coma, then this is the kind of posting I need.
ReplyDeleteDear friends, how are you? No, really. How are you? Worried and wondering.
ReplyDeleteTish is having a very full, and rather stressful schedule with some family crisis. But she is doing OK with the loving help of her family.
ReplyDeletew4g has gone frightenly silent. I do hear occasionally from Judes early in the morning. I haven't heard from Roc for a while.
Teddy, are you OK?
Yes, okay?
ReplyDeleteBest to all through your tribulations.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit bummed myself. We had to take our 17-year-old kitty to be put to sleep during the furious blizzard which was here first before moving on to the Windy City. A little kitty stroke.
Are we all just living what most people refer to as "life"?
Soooo sorry about your kitty. They are such precious babies and so hard to let go, even if we know their time has come. I lost one of my kitty's years ago to a stroke.
ReplyDeleteYes, this is the life. There's none other. That's why I cultivate a sense of humor. It's better to get the joke.
lfj, sorry to hear about your kitty...i also lost a cat to a stroke myself. what was his/her name? age?
ReplyDeletebeen a bit bummed myself but this too will pass.
"It wasn't such a happy life but, then again, who in their right mind has a happy life?" - the Use of the Hall
hey Judes, hope your lil spawn is feelin' better.
Ruby Lou. Aged 17. Precious and perfect in every way.
ReplyDeleteWe gotta stamp out bummed!
Feel better, W4G.
Oh LFJ, I am so sorry about your baby. Every time I look at Chloe I thank Christ she pulled through and is doing so well. I wish that had been the way your kitty story went.
ReplyDeleteSpawn is doing ok, he has a nasty upper respiratory infection and his allergies are acting up really badly. I am sick of this snow and cold and have a double case of the depressies myself. I can't access the blog at work and then by the time I get home from work, I'm too exhausted to even touch the computer.
Very sorry to be out of touch so much. This is the worst case of winter blues that I have encountere in almost everyone I have contact with. It will be over soon and we will all be outside in the warm sun........
Take care all, feel better on every level.
Oh please be better, dear hearts. May your weather and spirits improve.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite of SAD. I become energized and brighten up during cloudy, rainy, snowy, cold weather. Nothing brings me down like a bright, sunny morning. (I also have a phobia about seeing the sun come up). Makes sense I suppose. If there's one possibility, then there's the other.
Gossip-oriented: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz divorcing. Like Michelle Williams when things were going badly with Heath Ledger, she chopped off her hair. Wonder what that symbolizes?
W4G, please check in and let us know how you are.
i'm doin' fine lfj...thanks for asking. 2 inches of snow here in the south predicted for tonite.
ReplyDeleteEvery year as the winter approaches I say to myself, it won't be so bad, a couple of really bad months. November is usually OK, December is bearable, March is the last of it and April has the plants coming up. It's only January & February that are awful. But this year winter started in earnest in December and FEBRUARY, well February has been unBEARable. I do NOT like the winter. I am a gardener with a passion for gardening. Whenever I can't be gardening, I'm just waiting to be gardening.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the weather, w4g, but we're supposed to get over freezing this weekend for the first time since the blizzard of 2011. (Watch your basement for flooding.)
God love Janey's Iphone (though I would NEVER pay the price for one!).
ReplyDeleteIsn't it sad P, when you're actually looking forward to 14 degrees??. I think the building next door had a water pipe freeze last night-there is an ice rink in the back and yellow tape everywhere. Thank you Lord that wasn't us. I am soooooo sick of this cold and snow, have been perpetually crabby for days on end now. I too am looking forward to planting some tomatoes in my porch topsy turvy and getting my flower boxes full again.
Poor BB, I understand you guys have no plows so I can imagine an inch or two of snow must just about cripple your neck of the woods. I bet nobody knows how to drive in it either. I hope it melts quickly for you.
LFJ, LFJ-I think you are a vampire my sweet girl!! LOL, hope you are feeling better today.
Roc has disappeared again! I wonder what trouble that boy has gotten himself into this time?
yea Judes, an inch or two of snow does tend to cripple this neck of the woods. but the weather forecasters were totally off the mark on this one - not one snow flurry! lil chilly out but the the sun is just a shinin'. lfj would hate it!!! hope spring comes early for u all up there - enuf is enuf! btw Judes, how's the lil spawn doing?
ReplyDeleteand my sweet princess, hope all is well with you. as for Roc, i think he may be busy helping to prepare a defense for Lilo...
Naw, Roc is even busier trying to write an insurance clause for the Lohan family. Pretty soon Lindsay is going to need beepers that sound whenever she comes within an arm's reach of merchandise and/or anyone else's closet.
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging in there. Had a fender bender in my Dad's car this morning. No one hurt but what a farce! I braked in the intersection because someone turned right directly in front of me. Before I could completely brake the light turned green for the oncoming traffic and a guy plowed into me. His story? "I had the green light." And the cop, who wasn't there when it happened, wrote me a ticket for being in the intersection on a red. But like I said, no one hurt.
hey Tisha, can i call u tonite? i wannna discuss your accident with you. i'm a claims adjuster u know. lemme know what time would be best to call.
ReplyDeleteCall at 9pm your time, baby. Wanna skype?
ReplyDeleteIt snowed in my husband's far-south, moderately sized but far from large hometown. Like enough to dust the streets. And there were 95 car accidents in 8 hours!
ReplyDeleteGlad you're okay, TT. Hope W4G has a plan for a scheme to plot how to avoid the ticket!
You two can see each other. Garsh, I wish I just could hear what everyone's voice sounds like. Judes & TT, do you have that fine Chicago accent? W4G, a southern boy?
Yeah, maybe a vamp(ire). Except instead of sucking the life out of living people, I try to suck the death out of dead people to make them alive to tell their stories.
Holy buckets! "Justified" started its new season last night. Break me off a bunch of pieces of Timothy Olyphant !
Oh baby baby, Timothy Olyphant is one fine boy!!! You and I have the same taste in men LFJ! Don't laugh at me, but I loved him in Hitman! He was even good in that terrible movie he did with beyotch Garner, Catch and Release I think it was called. And yes, I have the Midwestern nasal whine-hey dere, gimme a shot uv Yayger (LOL!)
ReplyDeleteMy Spawn went to his best friends house after school for cake and ice cream, a short Bday celly. He promptly threw up when he got home. Short words, he's still sick. Maybe when the great thaw starts tomorrow, he will feel a little better as the air warms.
Betcha Roc has LiLo up on his handlebars with her coochi in his face!
I love ya Roc, JUST KIDDING!!!!!!
Everyone has always told me that I sound like I'm from the East Coast. Don't know why, I've lived on the south side of Chicago almost my entire life. w4g has just a hint of a drawl, but he says he is NOT a Southerner. Strangely enough I've never spoken to Judes. Judes, we must do something about that.
ReplyDeletelongingforjake remains a mystery woman, like a shadow that passes secretly by. Not that we don't welcome whenever we witness her solid presence.
I think I know where LFJ is, I saw a massive pile up of cars on an icy highway video shot in Arkansas. The reporter said there were 92 cars involved in her last count. My guess for LFJ's whereabouts is Arkansas.
ReplyDeleteEverybody have a good day!!
No, Judes, LFJ says that is her husband's home town, not where they live now. But a clue! A veritable clue!
ReplyDeletelfj, is it true? Does you husband come from Arkasas? If so, have you seen Winter's Bone? I'm a big fan of that film.
ReplyDeleteOh gawd no! Hey, I got nothing against Arkansas because it always manages to have a surprising liberal streak despite the Bible thumping.
ReplyDeleteBut, let's just say he wore shoes and and could read and write, although the strain of southern gothic running through the family would make Flannery O'Connor proud (his mother is also his 14th cousin removed and his father's nephew was actually his father's brother who was the child of his father's sister).
Anyway, it's all miles and states and eons away.
Haven't seen "Winter's Bone" yet but want to (I enjoyed the 7th grade humor of SNL's "Wayne's World" last Saturday, however!).
So, Judes. We gotta figure this out. What is it in our mutual men?
TT, did you and W4G work out a plan for the accident?
Okay, back to my case of the victim who had claustrophilia.
Enjoy YOUR warm-up!
W4G had a date last night so we didn't speak, but he sent me an urgent message to never talk to the other guy's insurance company. I haven't. But I got the call today that my dad's insurance is covering the other guy's damages. C'est la vie.
ReplyDelete