This blog was named after a long lost blogger pal of mine. It was created so my other blogger pals and I from the Awful Truth can avoid the twitards and have meaningful and intelligent conversations.
WARNING: This is a Twilight, Paris Hilton, Lilo & Kardouchian free no zone. Any posts regarding the aforementioned will be promptly deleted and the poster will be blocked from making any further comments. Thank you for your cooperation.
jake gyllenhaul aka toothy tile
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Congratulations Shaftarella on Your Impending Nuptials!!!
your girlfriends (Tisha, Judes & LFJ) are already in the process of planning your wedding shower.
Thought I better get in here early today or it will pass by like yesterday....I'm happy to see you ladies can be as rude, crude and socially unacceptable (maybe more) than me. Wonder if they will wed here in LaLa land - I'll see if I can get an invite!
Oh, Roc, take some candid pix, you know of Shafty pinching Toth's arm to remind him to look HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. Not that he won't be with 1/2 of her fortune looming before him.
I give this marriage 5 years, 7 if there's another kid.
BTW, we pride ourselves on being rude, crude and socially unacceptable. It's our club slogan. Can you post that as our motto in a banner, w4g?
Years ago I heard a comedian describe a Southern gentleman as someone who will knock a woman down to open the door for her, and I've always remembered that. Of course you deny being a Southerner much less a gentleman.
actually, i am very good at opening doors for women as i do pride myself on being a gentleman. but u wouldn't believe the number of women who don't look at you or say "thank you" when u do. but i will still continue to do so cause that's the sweet, caring guy i am.
My dad is an old fashioned gentleman too. And I'm sure my brothers hold the door for people. I know I raised my son to follow the rules of courtesy. It was tricky at times. For instance, when holding the door open he'd sometimes wind up being the door man. "When do I let go, Mom?" he'd ask after standing there for 15-20 people. One of the things it taught him was to thank those who hold the door for him. Same for my daughters.
Get a load of this garish oversized rock that Reese has for an engagement ring. What's that they say about people who overcompensate? http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/12/reese-witherspoons-4-carat-engagement-ring-all-glittering-details
My spawn thanks me every night when I put his dinner plate in front of him. I don't know where he got that from but it is wonderful. He also says bless you to any sneeze he hears, no matter where. I really hate people that don't say thank you when you hold the door for them. I actually let it go on a woman once because she didn't say anything to me or look at me. You betcha she said something when the door hit her. I told her it served her right for being a rude ass. She called me a Cee U Next Tuesday. I laughed at her and said enjoy your time in hell. And I still hold the door for people.
Reese's ring is ugly. I don't understand why people have to have gigantic rocks on their fingers. First, they're heavy as shit. Second, you snag your sleeves or rip them right out of the setting because they get caught on everything. Third, somebody is gonna take the whole finger when it's flashing and flaunting all glitzy-like. More than 2 carats is unneccesary IMHO. Sometimes a nice band is all you need. But that's Shafty-the bigger the bullshit, the better for her.
The following is a decidedly different direction of the dialog but here goes: Ode-R to Shafterella.. Beautiful blue eyes that open to an asphalt soul when they blink. A double articulated jaw so a grilled covered speaker drops into place to issue pre recorded platitudes (ain't I just the cutest thing?). Pearly white teeth; good for viewing coming attractions projected by her publicist. Arms and legs are double jointed so she can move naturally, like a crab. The head that can rotate 180 degrees and stare at anyone trying to enter from the back. When she is ready, she spreads legs and invites entry into her Penis fly-trap. The joint dissolves after she gets the injection for procreation and she burps it in the face of her victim. There, that pretty well sums it up! LOL! I'm in a Stephen King frame of mind today; boo-la, boo-la!
Reese Witherspoon has some mega-bling to match her mega-watt smile! The 34-year-old How Do You Know actress accepted a stunning 4 carat Ashoka cut diamond engagement ring from CAA agent Jim Toth. Toth, 40, worked with jeweler William Goldberg to design the perfect sparkler for his bride-to-be. Set on a pave diamond-and-platinum band, Goldberg says Toth was drawn to the rarity of the Ashoka diamond, particularly with its 62 displayed facets and rounded corners. "Jim wants it to come from him and for it to be completely unique," a source told Us in November. According to Goldberg, less than 10% of rough diamonds each year have the potential to become Ashoka cut diamonds, making it "the only choice" for a star like Witherspoon.
All you who don't have a fat ass four carat, 62 displayed facets diamond ring? Fuck you, no one loves you.
Judes, i think it's so sweet that Michael, your lil spawn, thanks you every nite when u place his dinner plate in front of him. does he do cartwheels when the dinner plate includes his favorite mac & cheese? LOL
i must admit i was a very spoiled child although i prefer to refer to myself as having been precocious!
i really didn' talk much until i was 3 yrs. old because i didn't have to. my sisters could tell by my facial expression as to whether i needed fed or my diaper changed or whatever. eventually something happened that didn't meet my expectations/standards so i was forced to lodge a verbal complaint.
but my sisters continued to take care of me and used to cut-up my meat, etc. in fact, even to this day, whenever i am around them, they have to stop and think twice when i ask them to cut-up my meat!!! so hilarious!!!
as for you TT, love on 'ol Roc all u want. believe me, i've been rejected by better people than u!!! LOL and i do still have my legion of fans. i would suggest that u get over your fear of motorcycles if the relationship with Roc & you is to endure. you don't want to end up like Shaftie, now do you?
Patricia: How about I get a sidecar for my motorcycle? Feel free to use Penis Fly Trap all you want; once in awhile I do think of a phrase not seen or used before....
Yep, I do work in the insurance industry but it's a real effort to do so. You have to stay inside the lines all the time and my brain-for better or worse-likes to wander around a lot. Thank you for the kind words you guys as that means a lot coming from you. The way all of you write is one of the main reasons it's so much fun to come in here! And honest to God, the phrase Penis Fly Trap came to me in the middle of the night as my brain was swirling with thoughts; I don't get a whole lot of sleep but at least my mind takes me to some "interesting" places! Boy, looking back at that sentence and seeing God and Penis Fly Trap in it together gets my brain all a fludder again.....
Well, ladies and germs, I'll be off here in a few minutes so just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year! I will try to get in over the next 4 days the office is closed as I do miss the experience so much. Talk to all of you next year!
Happy New Year to you also Roc. Btw, don't waste your hard-earned money on a side car. Just buy TT an old pair of roller skates and tell her to hang on to the luggage rack. I mean, that's what I would do!
"It wasn't such a happy life. But, then again, who in their right mind has a happy life?" - The Use of the Hall
this quote comes from a lil unknown play which is far from being a literary masterpiece but comments exquisitely on the human condition. now i think i'll go and draw me some stick figures...
You're getting all sentimental too early!!! I plan on crying into my sherry tomorrow night. But until then all I can say about 2010 is that I've met some great friends and formed some great friendships. Life has little better to offer.
Also my daughter announced that she will gift me with a second granddaughter next Spring. My son returned to higher education by being accepted and enrolling in Columbia U in Manhattan. My first born granddaughter got her driver's license. My middle daughter followed up with the gift of a kitten by giving me a dog. My grandson started preschool. And I kept on keeping on.
BTW, Roc, you need to start recording your random thoughts because you have a real gift for poetic thought. I've never forgotten your first entry on this blog, or your second.
No, that's Memo my already kitty. But as soon as I get to go home and stay home, she is getting me another one. Poor Memo is soooo lonesome since my beloved 19 year old cat died a couple of months ago.
Diamonds are a touchy subject. Entire economies in Africa depend upon them, but so much blood has been shed over them. My own daughter asked for and received an antique ruby ring for her wedding. I know that I personally would not buy a diamond.
Yes, Judes, you say it so well, as usual. You and Roc and l4j and especially the author of this blog, wg, are now my very good friends. I wish each of you the very best in the coming year.
Thanks for your sharpened tongues and ready wit that have helped carry me through some difficult times and enlivened my life at all times.
Naw, I'm getting ready for the baby shower. Let the pregnancy count down begin!
ReplyDeleteThe only shower I would give her is with a garden hose hooked up to a septic tank.
ReplyDeleteWe is such ladies here.
ReplyDeleteAnd no fans of Shafty.
Thought I better get in here early today or it will pass by like yesterday....I'm happy to see you ladies can be as rude, crude and socially unacceptable (maybe more) than me. Wonder if they will wed here in LaLa land - I'll see if I can get an invite!
ReplyDeleteOh, Roc, take some candid pix, you know of Shafty pinching Toth's arm to remind him to look HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY. Not that he won't be with 1/2 of her fortune looming before him.
ReplyDeleteI give this marriage 5 years, 7 if there's another kid.
BTW, we pride ourselves on being rude, crude and socially unacceptable. It's our club slogan. Can you post that as our motto in a banner, w4g?
And before you drift off again, Roc, do you have any of your lovely stream of conscience poetry to honor this happy Shafty event?
ReplyDeleteshame on you ladies for being so mean towards such a lovely person like Reese.
ReplyDeleteI learned to speak this way in charm school, damn it.
ReplyDeleteYears ago I heard a comedian describe a Southern gentleman as someone who will knock a woman down to open the door for her, and I've always remembered that. Of course you deny being a Southerner much less a gentleman.
ReplyDeletetrue on both counts my sweet princess!
ReplyDeletelfj, is that the charm school they recently renamed the Chelsea Handler Scool of Charm?
ReplyDeleteand TT, i've knocked a few women down in my life but not to open the door for them!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteThat's the one, W4G! I learned good there and am an example of all things delicate and proper.
ReplyDeleteand u are delicate & proper my lovely lfj.
ReplyDeleteactually, i am very good at opening doors for women as i do pride myself on being a gentleman. but u wouldn't believe the number of women who don't look at you or say "thank you" when u do. but i will still continue to do so cause that's the sweet, caring guy i am.
ReplyDeleteand sorry Tisha, i will NEVER be a southern!!!
ReplyDeleteand btw, i grew up with 5 sisters..that's right, 5! so i know how to respect women!
ReplyDeleteWell, I grew up with 4 brothers who don't know from shit about how to treat a woman, except to expect them to wait on them.
ReplyDeleteMy dad tipped his hat to ladies till the day he passed away. Such a gentleman.
ReplyDeleteMy dad is an old fashioned gentleman too. And I'm sure my brothers hold the door for people. I know I raised my son to follow the rules of courtesy. It was tricky at times. For instance, when holding the door open he'd sometimes wind up being the door man. "When do I let go, Mom?" he'd ask after standing there for 15-20 people. One of the things it taught him was to thank those who hold the door for him. Same for my daughters.
ReplyDeleteGet a load of this garish oversized rock that Reese has for an engagement ring. What's that they say about people who overcompensate?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/12/reese-witherspoons-4-carat-engagement-ring-all-glittering-details
My spawn thanks me every night when I put his dinner plate in front of him. I don't know where he got that from but it is wonderful. He also says bless you to any sneeze he hears, no matter where.
ReplyDeleteI really hate people that don't say thank you when you hold the door for them. I actually let it go on a woman once because she didn't say anything to me or look at me. You betcha she said something when the door hit her. I told her it served her right for being a rude ass. She called me a Cee U Next Tuesday. I laughed at her and said enjoy your time in hell.
And I still hold the door for people.
Reese's ring is ugly. I don't understand why people have to have gigantic rocks on their fingers. First, they're heavy as shit. Second, you snag your sleeves or rip them right out of the setting because they get caught on everything. Third, somebody is gonna take the whole finger when it's flashing and flaunting all glitzy-like. More than 2 carats is unneccesary IMHO. Sometimes a nice band is all you need.
But that's Shafty-the bigger the bullshit, the better for her.
The following is a decidedly different direction of the dialog but here goes:
ReplyDeleteOde-R to Shafterella..
Beautiful blue eyes that open to an asphalt soul when they blink. A double articulated jaw so a grilled covered speaker drops into place to issue pre recorded platitudes (ain't I just the cutest thing?). Pearly white teeth; good for viewing coming attractions projected by her publicist. Arms and legs are double jointed so she can move naturally, like a crab. The head that can rotate 180 degrees and stare at anyone trying to enter from the back. When she is ready, she spreads legs and invites entry into her Penis fly-trap. The joint dissolves after she gets the injection for procreation and she burps it in the face of her victim.
There, that pretty well sums it up! LOL! I'm in a Stephen King frame of mind today; boo-la, boo-la!
Reese Witherspoon has some mega-bling to match her mega-watt smile! The 34-year-old How Do You Know actress accepted a stunning 4 carat Ashoka cut diamond engagement ring from CAA agent Jim Toth. Toth, 40, worked with jeweler William Goldberg to design the perfect sparkler for his bride-to-be. Set on a pave diamond-and-platinum band, Goldberg says Toth was drawn to the rarity of the Ashoka diamond, particularly with its 62 displayed facets and rounded corners. "Jim wants it to come from him and for it to be completely unique," a source told Us in November. According to Goldberg, less than 10% of rough diamonds each year have the potential to become Ashoka cut diamonds, making it "the only choice" for a star like Witherspoon.
ReplyDeleteAll you who don't have a fat ass four carat, 62 displayed facets diamond ring? Fuck you, no one loves you.
PENIS FLY TRAP!?! Roc that is definitely a keeper. I'm scribbling it into my journal now.
ReplyDeleteRoc, the soul of a poet, the stinging tongue of a gossip. I'm in love.
w4g, calm yourself, baby. This is a the same love you have for your paramours to which I never object.
Judes, i think it's so sweet that Michael, your lil spawn, thanks you every nite when u place his dinner plate in front of him. does he do cartwheels when the dinner plate includes his favorite mac & cheese? LOL
ReplyDeletei must admit i was a very spoiled child although i prefer to refer to myself as having been precocious!
i really didn' talk much until i was 3 yrs. old because i didn't have to. my sisters could tell by my facial expression as to whether i needed fed or my diaper changed or whatever. eventually something happened that didn't meet my expectations/standards so i was forced to lodge a verbal complaint.
but my sisters continued to take care of me and used to cut-up my meat, etc. in fact, even to this day, whenever i am around them, they have to stop and think twice when i ask them to cut-up my meat!!! so hilarious!!!
as for you TT, love on 'ol Roc all u want. believe me, i've been rejected by better people than u!!! LOL and i do still have my legion of fans. i would suggest that u get over your fear of motorcycles if the relationship with Roc & you is to endure. you don't want to end up like Shaftie, now do you?
ReplyDeleteand lfj, i'd tip my hat too but it's kinda hard to when your wearing a skull cap!
ReplyDeletenext up: the ghastly tampon incident!!!
ReplyDeletePatricia:
ReplyDeleteHow about I get a sidecar for my motorcycle? Feel free to use Penis Fly Trap all you want; once in awhile I do think of a phrase not seen or used before....
btw Roc, jealous as i am of you, u do have a way with words. are u sure you're in the insurance industry?!?
ReplyDeleteSorry I've been away. My mother had her check up with her regular physician. Mom is doing great. Daughter is getting weary.
ReplyDeleteYou see, w4g, my one true love, anyone that can sling a phrase like penis fly trap around lifts my spirits.
Yep, I do work in the insurance industry but it's a real effort to do so. You have to stay inside the lines all the time and my brain-for better or worse-likes to wander around a lot. Thank you for the kind words you guys as that means a lot coming from you. The way all of you write is one of the main reasons it's so much fun to come in here! And honest to God, the phrase Penis Fly Trap came to me in the middle of the night as my brain was swirling with thoughts; I don't get a whole lot of sleep but at least my mind takes me to some "interesting" places! Boy, looking back at that sentence and seeing God and Penis Fly Trap in it together gets my brain all a fludder again.....
ReplyDeleteWell, ladies and germs, I'll be off here in a few minutes so just wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year! I will try to get in over the next 4 days the office is closed as I do miss the experience so much. Talk to all of you next year!
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you also Roc. Btw, don't waste your hard-earned money on a side car. Just buy TT an old pair of roller skates and tell her to hang on to the luggage rack. I mean, that's what I would do!
ReplyDelete"It wasn't such a happy life. But, then again, who in their right mind has a happy life?" - The Use of the Hall
ReplyDeletethis quote comes from a lil unknown play which is far from being a literary masterpiece but comments exquisitely on the human condition. now i think i'll go and draw me some stick figures...
You're getting all sentimental too early!!! I plan on crying into my sherry tomorrow night. But until then all I can say about 2010 is that I've met some great friends and formed some great friendships. Life has little better to offer.
ReplyDeleteAlso my daughter announced that she will gift me with a second granddaughter next Spring. My son returned to higher education by being accepted and enrolling in Columbia U in Manhattan. My first born granddaughter got her driver's license. My middle daughter followed up with the gift of a kitten by giving me a dog. My grandson started preschool. And I kept on keeping on.
BTW, Roc, you need to start recording your random thoughts because you have a real gift for poetic thought. I've never forgotten your first entry on this blog, or your second.
ReplyDeleteAnyone else bothered by the politics of The Shaft's diamond? Or any diamonds?
ReplyDeleteCongrats, Tisha, on all the positive things.
What will you name the kitty?
No, that's Memo my already kitty. But as soon as I get to go home and stay home, she is getting me another one. Poor Memo is soooo lonesome since my beloved 19 year old cat died a couple of months ago.
ReplyDeleteDiamonds are a touchy subject. Entire economies in Africa depend upon them, but so much blood has been shed over them. My own daughter asked for and received an antique ruby ring for her wedding. I know that I personally would not buy a diamond.
Happy New Year all my new, good friends. I hope the new one coming in brings bigger and better for each of you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad and so lucky to have found all of you. Thanks for all the laughs and comfort so far, am looking forward to more-
Yes, Judes, you say it so well, as usual. You and Roc and l4j and especially the author of this blog, wg, are now my very good friends. I wish each of you the very best in the coming year.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your sharpened tongues and ready wit that have helped carry me through some difficult times and enlivened my life at all times.
Sorry, teddy. I left the numeral out of your moniker. I think I may need to get new glasses.
ReplyDeleteLe Nouvel An Heureux, mes chers amis!
ReplyDeleteMerci, et vous aussi.
ReplyDelete